hurmm how should i say this

How should I put this in sentences? :)

i am not good in handling problems. Like seriously. Sometimes, I will make myself busy and extremely tired with somethings just to make sure I shut myself away from the problems. Sometimes, I feel like I want to run away, far far away, for a while, and find some peace in me. Especially if the matter also concerns the other party.

I live my life just like the way I want.
And sometimes I don't even care of what others should have said about me.

Sometimes, I noticed that it has been overboard of something and I don't really care about it.
But, sometimes, as I stuck in a condition where I don't have anywhere else to run, I started to care about what I did.
I started to analyze "Have I done something right?".
I looked around and grabbed the atmosphere to adapt with my insanity;
just in case I'm missing something.

What we want and what's right for us is two different things.
And to be honest;
I have lose my judgement at this stage.
I don't know what should I do and vice versa. It's like I'm standing in a football field with nobody around, and waiting for someone to guide me up.

I cry in my prayer.
Praying for things to get so much better.
Asking for things to be okay just like before.
it becomes more worsen from day to day.
Slowly it becomes;
the biggest terror for me.

comes to the insanity that I still have Allah around.


This is where I stand two years ago.
Home is like a never-ending-peace place for me.
I would crack some jokes with my dad, I would laugh out loud with my mom.
And they are always be there whenever I need them.
Whenever I need someone to say, "Things will be better"

As for now,
while I'm typing this entry, I have my environment notes in my hand.
doing some notes and trying to make myself busy as usual.
and I'm trying to find some peace deep down in my soul.
as it seems don't have one right now.

No matter;
How long I'm holding on,
How much I love with what I have right now,
How hard to sweep away the pain in most of the time,
How things went so crazily and make us so-----exhausted,

I would say,
it happens because I let them to be happened.
And indeed,
because it is what I want.


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