The least thing. ;)

As the time goes by, I have realized that nothing is easy in this world. When you want something badly and eagerly, you have to struggle to achieve whatever you want. And....you don't give up.

Which;
I did. ;)

But, throughout the bad time of mine, I learnt that in order to make things right, you just have to stabilize yourself first. Avoid those stupid things and starting to evaluate what do you want in your life.

Which;
I also didn't know what I really want in my life. And I will keep on searching for that.
As in a good way.

Whatever it is, I am sure that everything that you want is such a valuable thing. And, that is why you are chasing after them. But, I am sure that not everything that you want in your life you can get it.

I am giving you an example. You are such a simple student and comes from an average economical family. Somehow, you want to rent a house and live in there by yourself. Living in Shah Alam, with the high living cost, I am sure that living by your own is quite expensive. So, you have to let go your dream or whatever that you want. Come on, living with your peers is nott bad at all. you just have to adapt yourself well, my friend. ;)

Secondly, you are admiring someone. Well, it's normal for you to go through this stage right? Somehow, the game that includes your feeling is not an interesting game to play. You just have to play safe so that you are not going to hurt in the future. And until at some point, you are going to think that you are doing something that not worth for you. And, this is the good time for you to give up if you are starting to feel you are doing something stupid.

Thirdly, being as a student, you have a limitation in term of everything especially your pocket money. Your friends are having fun somewhere and you're really to get involve in those fun things. Somehow, when you open your wallet/purse, you'll touch a RM10 note and that is the only note that you have for the next couple of days. So, again, you have to let go your desire to have fun.

Living in a college as a student, I am sure that sometimes you have plenty of time to revise back whatever stupid things that you have done. A good friend of mine advised me, whenever I felt like so left out or getting worse from day to day, I have to take a rest and think what is the best thing that I should do to myself.

And I did. I found that I am wasting my time for a bout couple of months. *sigh*

I am not giving up with myself nor someone else. But, maybe I might be giving up on my study because sometimes I can't feel that this is not me anymore. It is hard for me to get back on the track but somehow I have to force myself to achieve things that I want.

Lek ar derrr.. kata nak jadi engineer. Takkan lu nak give up kan?

I am trying to gain everyone trust back. I am trying to make things right. To my family, there is no other word to describe how sorry I am to all of you. To those my closest friends, I am really sorry for whatever I have done. Trying to change is hard and even harder without all of you. ;)

Gua datang mood jiwang lak sekarang.

Maybe I am easily feeling so left out right now. And sometimes it is true I may feel like I was abandoned by someone. Haha. Stupid thought comes across my mind lately. But, as the good thought comes along, sometimes I have to teach myself to be independent and not to run away from my problems. I have to face those problems wisely.

Sometimes bad things teach you how to be matured in your life. And i guess this is my time. And the life without judgement has barred from my life.

I am not trying to say all good things and I want to change drastically. But something for sure, I am not going to waste my time on somethingg stupid anymore. And for the rest, I hope as the time goes by, I can manage myself well and lead a better path to be a better person.

I wish for this.

Thank you for reading all of this. ;)

With love,
F

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